For those who came across this blog or if you are a friend of mine knows that I only write here whenever I feel sad or low. It very much contradicts the site name, i tried to shift the mood of this blog, but sadly I need this blog to release the negativity that I have inside me. If normal people have friends, then I have this. I only talk to friends about my problems when I can already laugh at it, it is less complicated that way. We've all loved and been hurt and if you havent then Im happy for you. The bible said love is patient, kind blah blah blah. What if one of those are missing, do you still call it love? When there is no trust anymore. When you have a list of wrongs that no matter how hard you try to forget still haunts you. Then what do you call it now?
I met a girl. Yup! You read it right, a girl. She is way younger than me but i find her very interesting. She is smart and witty. We became close and closer. She flirted and the curious in me flirted back. I have no experience with a lesbian before so everything is new to me. I just wanted to try it and it felt good. I hate cliche-ing but they are right, it takes one to know one. She pleasured me. Dirty minds! I mean she knows how to make me feel good (it still sounds dirty!) What I meant was, she knows how to make me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. I did not plan to get serious with her but I fell for her. I've had failed relationships with men, i relationship is what you call them, and i dont have interest with them anymore and i dont plan to get married with one and bear a child anyway so what the heck! Let's give it a try. I was happy. Sometimes when we are happy, the hearts keeps pushing the brain to take a break. I forgot that men and women are just the same. They are both human beings and are capable of hurting you. I let my guard down and it took advantage. Trust was lost and all the confusions that i chose to ignore and the lies i tried to forget resurfaced like pandora's box. Do you still call it love? There is still something in me that wants to stay and i do not know what to call it. My brain is back in charge, which is why Im trying to find a definition for it. If there is a course about it, then i will take it but i guess there is none. Because if there is, then there will be a lower suicidal rate in the world. I guess even the bible cannot define our feelings and emotions because God created the brain for a reason. We should not be ruled by emotions and we should not trust our feelings. Good thing my brain is just around the corner, smoking a cigarette while sipping a cup of joe, waiting for the heart to show any sign of weakness. My brain enjoyed the break a little bit but just right in time before the heart breaks down.
