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"Let the children come to me, Don't stop them! For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:14

I dont know how to start this one. Behind all the happiness that God has offered me this Christmas, I still feel sad within, sad that other people who are close to my heart are "suffering" on the season to be jolly. I know that we are the ones responsible for all our actions, but is it sad to know that sometimes we have to be alone to be able to take resposibility. Imagine yourself being alone during Christmas eve knowing that your family is just one ride away, the feeling that you want to be with them but you just can't. Its nicer to be alone in a foreign land. Its nicer to be alone on your birthday, at least no one is reminding you how old you are. But during Christmas?! Its the time where family gets together, exchange gifts, fill their home with love. For just one thing, for loving someone they dont think the right one for you, you need to suffer all these? Now we have rules in choosing the person to love? I just dont know, maybe I am just thinking that if the same case happens to me, they will also disown me. I also dont like the guy, but I am only here to tell her the bad and the good, the ups and the downs, the right from the wrong. Another ball of fire that hit my world: My inaanak passed away last December 26, 2006, past 3 p.m. Jirah is a very cute girl, a little maldita but cute. She is so cute that she can be your teddy bear that you can cuddle all night. That news struck me a lot. I received a text from my mom when Im on my way home and tears just fell off my eyes. Maybe because it's unimaginable. One jolly little girl...i just cant imagine. She's the girl that ate Shiela and her husband prayed for, God granted their wish and now took her to heaven. Jirah is too good and even God dont want to see her suffering in this mean world. Last night, I thought that I am ready enough to go to their place, but as soon as I laid my eyes on that white transporter, weakness in me struggles out and it just won. Im still not ready to handle things like that, but that's how God works, there's a reason behind it all, there is... Now as the new year comes, let's reflect on the things that we have done for the past year, with all the goods and the bads, the ups and the downs, the right and the wrong, and try with our very best to improve our lives and pass through the hurdles and the bumps that are laid ahead of us. Happy Holidays!

I bet you think this blog is about you, dont you?! dont you?!

"We are all vain!" according to my friend while we are arguing which blog site is better; friendster or blogspot. He says, "Of course, you'll write for the others to read. You wouldn't want to write something unless you want someone to read it." And I replied, "I am not a fan of it." Then there was silence. Maybe he thinks that writing is nonsense if you cant showcase it, but not for me. Like what I have said on my previous entries, I just wanted a place to put into words whatever I am feeling, whether other people read it or not, I really dont care. This is a live journal, it is not like I am earning here. I could have written down my thoughts on a diary, but this is the most accessible medium i could ever laid my hand on. Maybe when I write, I am always assuming that there is a "you," like I am talking to someone which could be you, a reader. I still can remember when i was a kid, whenever I am depressed or just had a big fight with my mom, I'll go to my room, stand in front of a mirror and start talking to myself as if I am a different person. I'll talk, think what her response could be, and then I'll talk back. its not like I am crazy or something, its just nice to know that somehow we are not alone. I am not a very sharing person, I'm not a talker, I'm just a listener. I am not comfortable going to someone, even a friend, to share my feelings, I only listen to theirs and be the stronger one. And sometimes, it's nice to be the one to do the talking, or writing in this case, and be able to get a response and not be disappointed by it. We all have our own imaginary friend when we are kids, and i still have one, even though I am earning my own money, which is you. Talking in front of mirror when you are a child seems cute, but when you're at my age, you'd be crazy. Its nice having you, my friend.

Saintful sin

Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted. - Paolo Coehlo (11 minutes) Happy Anniversary to us! Wow, i can't imagine i've been blogging for about a year now. Well, i've been hearing about blogs before, but I never intend in writing online, i like keeping my thoughts to myself. But as I became busy and always in front of the computer, this is the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts, and besides I have a very bad handwriting even I can't read what i've written. There are two things that I do to fight boredom; first is to read, and the other one is to write. The first one is a little easier when I am at my place because I'll just grab a magazine from a shelf, but the second one, haaay, i'll sit first and think of what is to write, and I always ended up writing nothing. I have some poems i wrote that I can't find (I am a trash-hoarder, that's why), I also tried to write a novel that I never finished. I guess writers are boring people, because they write too many stuffs and I only do that whenever I am bored, hehe joking! Anyways, one boring day at the office and I started one, and it's one good way of preserving my thoughts and my feelings on that given time, and somehow sharing them to the people that are quite close to me (though, there are only a few of them who knows that I have a blog). Blogging also helps me in discovering myself, there are things that I cannot really say to the person involved but I can express it in here (maybe because the person that i am talking about doesn't know that i have a blog). Hope this coming year i will get to update this more frequent, hehe. Happy writing! it's the year of the keyboard! its a good lit horoscope we got.