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http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=8a3e459acf4fc88413adc93G06122918

"Let the children come to me, Don't stop them! For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:14

I dont know how to start this one. Behind all the happiness that God has offered me this Christmas, I still feel sad within, sad that other people who are close to my heart are "suffering" on the season to be jolly. I know that we are the ones responsible for all our actions, but is it sad to know that sometimes we have to be alone to be able to take resposibility. Imagine yourself being alone during Christmas eve knowing that your family is just one ride away, the feeling that you want to be with them but you just can't. Its nicer to be alone in a foreign land. Its nicer to be alone on your birthday, at least no one is reminding you how old you are. But during Christmas?! Its the time where family gets together, exchange gifts, fill their home with love. For just one thing, for loving someone they dont think the right one for you, you need to suffer all these? Now we have rules in choosing the person to love? I just dont know, maybe I am just thinking that if the same case happens to me, they will also disown me. I also dont like the guy, but I am only here to tell her the bad and the good, the ups and the downs, the right from the wrong. Another ball of fire that hit my world: My inaanak passed away last December 26, 2006, past 3 p.m. Jirah is a very cute girl, a little maldita but cute. She is so cute that she can be your teddy bear that you can cuddle all night. That news struck me a lot. I received a text from my mom when Im on my way home and tears just fell off my eyes. Maybe because it's unimaginable. One jolly little girl...i just cant imagine. She's the girl that ate Shiela and her husband prayed for, God granted their wish and now took her to heaven. Jirah is too good and even God dont want to see her suffering in this mean world. Last night, I thought that I am ready enough to go to their place, but as soon as I laid my eyes on that white transporter, weakness in me struggles out and it just won. Im still not ready to handle things like that, but that's how God works, there's a reason behind it all, there is... Now as the new year comes, let's reflect on the things that we have done for the past year, with all the goods and the bads, the ups and the downs, the right and the wrong, and try with our very best to improve our lives and pass through the hurdles and the bumps that are laid ahead of us. Happy Holidays!

I bet you think this blog is about you, dont you?! dont you?!

"We are all vain!" according to my friend while we are arguing which blog site is better; friendster or blogspot. He says, "Of course, you'll write for the others to read. You wouldn't want to write something unless you want someone to read it." And I replied, "I am not a fan of it." Then there was silence. Maybe he thinks that writing is nonsense if you cant showcase it, but not for me. Like what I have said on my previous entries, I just wanted a place to put into words whatever I am feeling, whether other people read it or not, I really dont care. This is a live journal, it is not like I am earning here. I could have written down my thoughts on a diary, but this is the most accessible medium i could ever laid my hand on. Maybe when I write, I am always assuming that there is a "you," like I am talking to someone which could be you, a reader. I still can remember when i was a kid, whenever I am depressed or just had a big fight with my mom, I'll go to my room, stand in front of a mirror and start talking to myself as if I am a different person. I'll talk, think what her response could be, and then I'll talk back. its not like I am crazy or something, its just nice to know that somehow we are not alone. I am not a very sharing person, I'm not a talker, I'm just a listener. I am not comfortable going to someone, even a friend, to share my feelings, I only listen to theirs and be the stronger one. And sometimes, it's nice to be the one to do the talking, or writing in this case, and be able to get a response and not be disappointed by it. We all have our own imaginary friend when we are kids, and i still have one, even though I am earning my own money, which is you. Talking in front of mirror when you are a child seems cute, but when you're at my age, you'd be crazy. Its nice having you, my friend.

Saintful sin

Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted. - Paolo Coehlo (11 minutes) Happy Anniversary to us! Wow, i can't imagine i've been blogging for about a year now. Well, i've been hearing about blogs before, but I never intend in writing online, i like keeping my thoughts to myself. But as I became busy and always in front of the computer, this is the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts, and besides I have a very bad handwriting even I can't read what i've written. There are two things that I do to fight boredom; first is to read, and the other one is to write. The first one is a little easier when I am at my place because I'll just grab a magazine from a shelf, but the second one, haaay, i'll sit first and think of what is to write, and I always ended up writing nothing. I have some poems i wrote that I can't find (I am a trash-hoarder, that's why), I also tried to write a novel that I never finished. I guess writers are boring people, because they write too many stuffs and I only do that whenever I am bored, hehe joking! Anyways, one boring day at the office and I started one, and it's one good way of preserving my thoughts and my feelings on that given time, and somehow sharing them to the people that are quite close to me (though, there are only a few of them who knows that I have a blog). Blogging also helps me in discovering myself, there are things that I cannot really say to the person involved but I can express it in here (maybe because the person that i am talking about doesn't know that i have a blog). Hope this coming year i will get to update this more frequent, hehe. Happy writing! it's the year of the keyboard! its a good lit horoscope we got.

I got sunshine on a cloudy day

Typhoon Reming will be here soon and PAGASA put Manila in signal #2 today. But despite strong winds and flashfloods that is about to whip Metro Manila, I saw the sun shining on me this morning. I always ride an FX from our place to cubao. I ride another jeepney from kamuning to proj. 3. Unfortunately, FXs dont drop me at kamuning because they will take the flyover to escape heavy traffic, and it is 1 in 30 that an fx will drop me there. This morning, there are only 2 of us that is left in the fx, and the mamang driver told us that he will drop us at the nearest U-turn slot that will still make me walk a mile. The driver felt that I am mad and he kept on blahing that i should be thankful and all that crap. Suddenly, MMDA waved to the vehicle to stop, then the driver made a quick turn to escape the MMDAs, hoping that he will lost them. SO, the FX took kamuning, and there I am going out of the vehicle smiling because I dont have to walk anymore, and suddenly the MMDA truck appeared behind us and the FX got caught, which made me smile even more. If I did not step down that vehicle, the FX wouldn't be caught, hehe. This is one guilt-free sin!

At the office...

Oh well, I am bored from doing things to keep me not bored. Imagine yourself doing nothing for half of the day in the office, looking for productive and unproductive things to do but you just cant find any? And you do it not just in one day but for the entire week, entire month, or more or less the entire year?! I'm a very, very lazy person, and I am now lazy to be lazy. I can't even think of something good to write in here and I am just babbling and babbling and babbling and more babbling. You know what, I'm suddenly irritated with the people around me. I just don't know. I'm feeling again of not talking to anyone and a buddy is just enough. I guess I watch too much House, MD that keeps me feeling like this or maybe I just dont like the people around me. Well, why will I not like them? They did not do anything bad against me (I guess), they just irritate me a whole lot. Like I want to do gestures (e.g., talk to the hand MF loser! something like that) just to keep them off my face. Well, I just keep quiet to stop myself from doing that, but sometimes I just snap, when people are pushing me. My mouth moves faster than my neurons, asking afterwards "Did I just say that?!" It just pisses me! And now I am whining and whining and whining and more whining.

living life alive

I recall when I was in my first struggling year as a college student in misty UP Baguio, I was reading this article on Philo I while waiting outside my room near the library. Shiverring because it is damn cold (it is mid February I think) and because of fear that I may not deliver the report right. Then there I was at exactly 8:30 am, in front of 23 students, also my blockmates but two of them were not, stone cold, while introducing the "Absurdity of Life." I cannot remember who the author is but I surely remember how I discussed it in our class. I remembered it well due to the fact that it is something that is happening to me right of this moment. "Good morning everyone, I'm going to tackle about the Absurdity of Life by '???'. When we were young, our parents or guardians told us how we should live our life. We wake up, eat our breakfast, play, clean up, eat our lunch, sleep 'siesta', wake up, eat merienda, play again, eat dinner, and sleep (while drawing a diagram). As we grow, we wake up, clean up, eat breakfast, go to school, eat, go home, eat, and sleep. We enjoy life! Until one day, somebody goes to your place and tells you about the new video game that he is playing, then you realised (balloon thought) my life is not that fun afterall! That is the time that our life becomes habitual, becomes absurd. We were happy until some external force entered our life and made us feel unhappy, unsatisfied. And it will be a point of our life that we want to be out of the circle of absurdity. We get to play that new video game, in which it becomes our new life. If every teenager like us has been doing the same things, I will not feel unsatisfied at all." "But what happens if something that is already part of our 'life' is suddenly taken away from us? Imagine a child where her lollipop was taken away from her. She'll cry, cry hard! And there is only one thing that will make her stop, well, make it two. It is either you'll give her back the candy that was taken away from her or give her another lollipop that is much better than the one that she had. Same goes with life. You may never realise this because the things that are taken away from us seems to be replaced with something better, like our toys and cellphones. Do you ever realise how we will handle our lives without our parents, girlfriends and boyfriends (serious ha! hindi fling), or friends? Some people ends with suicide. It is because life is irreversible. The people who failed to find the two choices I gave felt that there is no reason for them to live anymore, so the ended their physical forms. You cannot go back to the life that you used to have because it just can't be. You will again feel that your life is miserable and meaningless without them. SO to be able to save yourself from that misery, you have to have something better than the one you used to have; it may be a person, a religion, a pet, or anything that will make you feel that you have a better life right now and you are definitely out of the absurdity that you are once in." The class clapped and I'm definitely out of here. Off to the bilyaran and have my life running wild.

Carnal Pleasure

A Woman’s Sex by Ikkyu, a Japanese Zen Buddhist priest and poet It has the original mouth but remains wordless; It is surrounded by a magnificent mound of hair. Sentient beings can get completely lost in it But it is also the birthplace of all the Buddhas of the ten thousand worlds. http://haringliwanag.pansitan.net/ - I have been blog hopping for quite sometime and I have been a mainstay of www.blogkadahan.com/blog. It is so much fun reading the entries there, and right now they are talking about sex. They have different approaches regarding sex; some are medyo bastos, some are erotic (WARNING: Shouting graphic), some are poetic, some are based on their own experience (well, most of them; I'd rather say factual), and some are enlighthening to a different level. It's a mixture of naughty and nice. I got kinda inspired by their writings so I said, "Hey, I can do that!" *somehow*. So here's a piece of my sexy mind. - When I was younger (because I'm still quite young), I have a different concept about sex. For me, sex is just a mere fooling around, nothing serious. It's just something that we acquired from the animalistic side of us, something primate, something innate. - My mom was married to my brother's father; with lack of security, he left him. She went to Manila and there he met my father. She became a mistress and I was born. That makes me illegitimate. My dad left for the states with his family. END OF STORY.

- My past made me think that way. I know my mom loved him so much, with promises of leaving his first family, and all those 5ullsh1ts! I even hear my mom crying loudly, alone in her room. That scene breaks my heart. From that day on, I swear to myself that I will not let any man destroy me. Inhibitions started to build up.

- I knew about sex at the age of 5. We have a naughty neighbor that always talks about it and makes it sound fun. I've watched porn. I've read magazines about it. My generation seems to welcome it. On age 18, ready to venture on that field, knowing what would happen if I don't do it safely, studied carefully how to do it, I started to play around with men (forget the numbers) and with myself. I only have one thought in mind, "play with my pu$y but not with my heart." It sounds mean but I should take care of myself. Once I do the deed, I lost interest and leave them; that is how I play the game. Friends tell me that I think like a man. Anticipating their actions, I'll do it first on them. Cynic huh? Some of them felt that they were used--lucky for them, I used them *devil laugh*. But is that the case? Or am I the one using my sexuality to get even with men? At first it was fun, having sex without any emotional attachment. As my age starts to add up, sex gets tiring--same positions, same moans, same sex. I started to realise that I am torturing myself. I'm staying in hell when it is supposed to be heaven.

- I met a man, yes, just a man. Same thing goes just like any other man. Three months. Hey! It's longer than usual. What's happening to me?! One year. Two years. Heaven. Yes, it felt good. I die as I felt blood rushing through my errogenous zones, flushing my face, fingers tingling, head numbing, heart beating erratically fast. Engulfed with passion and desire, love and surrender. Take me! Take the whole of me! And I live again.

- Song of Original Mind
Having created
the demon mind yourself
When it torments you mercilessly
You’re to blame and no one else

When you do wrong
our mind’s the demon
There’s no hell
To be found outside
Abominating hell
Longing for heaven
You make yourself suffer
In a joyful world
You think that good
Means hating what is bad
What’s bad is
The hating mind itself
---

1 SMS received

"Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything." from a text friend Andrei. I could have replied you are the one, but nah, I am happy with the one I have right now. I am over him now that makes me confident enough to share my thoughts about him. Y Our relationship ended because I am such an idealist. I believed before that I'd rather have friends than a lover. What if you're friend is head over heels over your lover, of course with that thinking you'll choose your friend. That was a big heartache for me. Now, I came to realisation that that idea is just partially true. Y Lots of times, you wanted a friend by your side; to cry with, laugh with, box with, make chika with, and other stuffs. But a friend is not someone you can call your own. When a friend starts to have a boyfriend, smorgasbord of jealousy enters, but the sad part is you cannot do anything about it unless you see that guy with other woman, or, a man. Oh well, that is mean and you cannot wish that for a friend. So, there comes your boyfriend; almost a friend with lots of benefits. Y A boyfriend shouldn't be a bestfriend, there should be a limitation in friending a boyfriend. You tell everything to your bestfriend which is not the case with your man (of course, you wouldn't tell your boyfriend your fantasies about other men). A boyfriend is also someone you can cry with, laugh with, box with, make chika with, and then kiss after and other benefits you could imagine. So the bottomline is I'm still young then and I don't know what I am thinking, hehe. I tried to win him back, but I was not successful in doing so. As I was contemplating about the past, I thought to my thoughts, "was it because I was not able to see the things I hate about him as a lover that is why I am feeling this way, or was it because I'm not yet satiated with the relationship that we have because it ended halfway?" Hmmmnnn, I think it is the latter. Y Some people describes me as a person who will work hard for something and then pall after a while. That is how most of my relationships ended, and that experience I have not felt with him. THAT made me hold on, but I lost grip when I met my current boyfriend. Y When you love, you see friendship in every face, harmony in every leaf - and you experience tremendous sense of warmth and belonging. Y He is kinda different. I have seen lots of hateful things from him. My girlfriends are always pushing me to leave him but I just cant. I love him. I am not stupid by sticking with him; I just learned to love those hateful things and it is not that he abuses me or something. The mere thought of him makes me happy. I feel needed when I am with him. Haay, this is the first time that I admit my feelings to my friends and most of all to myself that I am finally in love. I love the feeling of falling everytime I am with him. It must be the mysterious personality that makes me hooked up on him. I know every inch of his body but only an inch of his soul. Every meeting makes me wanting more, knowing more, just like how a tv series goes, but I hope this one won't end. Y 1 SMS received Y Hurriedly, almost tripping changing clothes, and swooshing off to see him.

Thank you Philippines!!

I am a certified and proud UP graduate. Before I entered this school, I have been stereotyped on what this school is like: activists, leftists, people who opposed the government, frats and soros, and a lot more. At first, I enrolled in this school with one thing in mind: To graduate, have my diploma, and find a good job. I was culture shocked on my first day, from a very tamed me in a private high school, I see people with deconstructed look, fratmen gathered around, people reading and smoking their lungs out at the makeshift rooms, and lots of 'em. A month later, I penetrated through the system. There I was, reading a photocopied text of "Introduction to Botany," fearing to fail Prof. Abedania's class while having a shot of Red Horse at Kalapaw 1, playing billiards; i managed to pass and got exempted though. A year later, I learned to smoke. But it is not about smoking, drinking, and having all the fun in the world, it is not about passing the exams and all the papers, it is all about learning to think and to fight for what you think is right. I have learned that life is not about fun all the time, that I have a greater responsibility; not to the world, not to this country, but to myself. As I go on through my 4-year course, i realised that graduating is not just about acquiring a diploma from a prestigious school; it is by having a strength to express my opinions rationally. I was taught to think before I act, and I guess Sec. Gonzalez was not taught that way; his mouth moves faster than his brain, way, way faster.

I'm becoming a fan of Patricia Evangelista, and this one is nice.

REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE

Payback
By Patricia Evangelista
Inquirer
Last updated 05:56am (Mla time) 09/03/2006
Published on page A11 of the September 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I HAVE recently learned that I owe a debt of gratitude to Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez. "Some degree of gratitude," must be due to the fact that I spent my college life in the University of the Philippines. I apologize for my omission, and can think of no way more apt than to share what he calls the "world-class education" that I have acquired in the four years I spent in UP. I will attempt to do justice to the underpaid and overworked professors who teach with ancient blackboards where today's lectures are superimposed over diagrams from three years before. If I cannot, perhaps the good secretary would be interested in taking the class I took in my freshman year-Philo 11: Introduction to Logic.

In a statement just this week, Gonzalez laments the decline in quality of UP graduates. "That school," he thunders, "breeds the destabilizers that haunt the country every year."

In the interest of clarity, let us define the word "destabilizer. " A destabilizer, or an obstructionist, is one who deliberately chooses to oppose current norms. They mistrust much of what is claimed, perpetually demand for answers and admit only truths that they believe have basis in fact, logic, theory, precedence or their own personal standards. In the academe, however, they are called neither destabilizers nor obstructionists. The common word for these vile creatures is "scholar."'

The reason students are sent to school is not to learn how to parrot government memoranda, or memorize the capitals of provinces in alphabetical order. Students study to learn how to think-not just to acquire a sheet of printed parchment to post on the wall. The capacity for critical thought is what separates the man from the beast. A dog can be trained how to sit, a monkey can walk across a tightrope, but it is the man who can choose to stand up and speak.

Contrary to what Gonzalez believes, it is not opposition to the government that characterizes the UP scholar. It is the opposition to passive acceptance, and a compulsion for thought. Gonzalez claims that he is not against all UP students, God forbid, because there are some who are "bright and good." I assume he means those of us who do not rally, who do not march, who do not choose to side with the Left. By "bright and good," he means "bright and good to the government of GMA."

"It is the people's taxes that is keeping UP alive," he claims. Agreed. "It is the State that is paying for their schooling." Agreed. "I think some degree of gratitude should be there also." Agreed.

There is a difference, however, between the State and Secretary Gonzalez. He is not the State, however much he tries to convince us. Neither is the government of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. The State is the people, the debt is to the people, the gratitude is to those who paid their taxes in the hope that the country's best and brightest will do some good in the future.

The academe, more than anywhere else, is the hotbed of debate, a place where multiple perspectives clash, and every sort of ideology, theory and philosophy has a place. Disagreement is a norm, and is seen as a manifestation of critical thought. That UP breeds destabilizers is not a bad thing-after all, if stability means the kind of government we have today, then I stand for destabilization, too.

All of us agree on our debt to the country-all of us want to pursue the national interest. But because we are scholars, because we are taught to think, the manner we pursue that national interest and the definition of that national interest vary from student to student. The red-shirted activist in Mendiola is no less aware of that debt than the political science student who plans to join government.

This need to check the government, Gonzalez claims, "is degrading the national interest." Who defines national interest? To Gonzalez, certainly not the people, and certainly not those who have been shot, strangled and maimed because of the administration' s relentless pursuit of national interest.

Democracy is not the absence of dissent; it is the tolerance of the freedom to dissent, and the awareness that dissent can check the State's enormous power. And still Justice Secretary Gonzales, in all smugness, demands that this "high tolerance to educational freedom," should be raised in the annual budget hearing. I cannot believe I live in a country where education is threatened because it is used.

This is not simply an issue of an old man trying to strut his machismo by aiming potshots at students. It may be hard to believe-as this is the man who, I have a sneaking suspicion, is the opposition's hired gun, the man who "forgave" Susan Roces because she was "too pretty to put in jail," the man who told former President Aquino to first take care of her controversial daughter Kris before she opposes GMA; and the same man who claimed that the only reason he didn't absolve three suspects in the Subic Bay rape case was that he had to "appease the mob." He is the man whose snappy comeback to the impromptu Oblation Run held a week ago was to ask the fraternity men to "take off your masks and run naked."

But irrelevant of the man, his denouncement of UP is an attempt-no matter how moronic, and no matter how laughable-to justify actions that would otherwise be unjustifiable. It is one of the dozens of persistent suggestions that the government is always on the side of right, that to oppose it is treachery and that to question it is to go against all standards of morality, honesty and patriotism. And all this is dangerous, at a time when people are tired of marching in the streets, tired of throwing out one corrupt leader after another, tired of the perpetual struggle for the rights and freedoms that are inexplicably being curtailed.

The government thrusts us back into the Dark Ages, where leaders are omnipotent and "the people" do not exist. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and probing into the nature of the "enemy" is assumed to be support for the enemy. Those who oppose policies are "destabilizers, " or "NPA sympathizers" or "oppositionists. " To report truth that will compromise government approval ratings is "inciting to sedition," a crime of which Gonzalez once accused the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism. "Why fight the State?" Gonzalez demands, "Why try to bring it down?"

Gonzalez claims that he is proud to say he is from the University of Sto. Tomas, and that it is the reason he is "well-behaved. " I offer my sympathies to UST, and since I am also aware that there is much that is "bright and good'" in that school, I believe Gonzalez must be a case where good education has failed in creating an educated man.

If this man is the epitome of what it is to be well-behaved, I'm glad that that's a compliment I've never been paid. * * *

Kwentong Barbero

Dahil sa aking ka-badtripan sa bagyong glenda nuong nakaraang araw at hindi pagreply sa akin ng aking minamahal dahil sa Sun siya (connection => bagyo, walang araw, so walang signal..wahehe corny!!!) eh nagawa kong magikot-ikot sa National Bookstore. Habang ako'y nagiikot eh nasulyapan ko ang libro ni Bob Ong. Siya ang may likha ng Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang mga Pilipino? Naaliw naman ako kaya binili ko na. Nakakatuwa ang librong yon, satirical ang dating niya. May kompilasyon duon ng mga essay ng mga dayuhan and pilipino kung ano ang tingin nila sa bansa. Sa aking pagbabasa ay medyo natamaan ako sa mga entry nila. Masakit mang isipin na ganun ang tingin nila sa tin pero ganun naman talaga tayo, kaya tanggapin na lang. Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin non na tanggapin na lang at ipagpatuloy ang mga ganung gawain, kundi wag na tayong magmagaling pa at ipagtanggol ang sarili at gumawa na lamang tayo ng paraan upang mabago ang ganung tingin sa atin. Isa lang naman talaga ang paraan sa pagunlad eh, kundi DISIPLINA. Katulad sa nakasaad sa libro, baliktad ang utak ng mga pilipino. Kapag sinabing tumawid sa footbridge, ang mga tao eh tatawid sa kalsada, 1.) wala kasing pulis, at minsan kahit na may pulis, 2.) nakakatamad umakyat sa footbridge. Ewan ko ba, tapos lahat isinisisi sa gobyerno! Ang isang bansa ay binubuo ng gobyerno at mamamayan. Meron tayong kanya-kanyang responsibilidad sa bansang ito. Hindi naman pwedeng magtrabaho lang ang gobyerno para sa atin, kelangan din nating gawin ang ating share kumbaga. Wala nga namang mangongotong kung walang magpapakotong, at wala silang kokotongin kung walang lumalabag sa batas. Lahat tayo ay may mga sariling pangangailangan at may mga temtasyon, kaya hindi rin natin sila masisisi. Simula ng pinanganak ako, may utang na ang Pilipinas, bakit hindi na lang tayo magtulungan upang mabayaran itong mga utang na to. Imbes nga naman na mabayaran ang mga utang, kahit na napakataas ng buwis ko na binabayaran ko ng tama, eh nadadagdagan pa. Kasi nga naman ang mga langis na kinukuha natin sa ibang bansa eh nauubos kaya nagtataas at kelangan din nating sumunod sa teknolohiya. Kung gusto naman nating magtipid ang bansa at wag nang bigyang daan ang teknolohiya, kawawa naman ang mga Pilipino kapag ihaharap sa dayuhan. O kaya wag na tayong magangkat ng langis, magkalesa at bike na lang tayo, kaso nga naman mabubulok ang gulay galing Baguio. Kaya gustuhin man natin o hindi, mangungutang talaga ang Pilipinas. Ang hirap kasi ang gusto ng mga tao, pagkaupo ng isang presidente ay uunlad na kaagad ang bansa. Aba, mahirap nga naman yon. Ang gusto ng mga tao eh walang kapintasan ang magiging presidente kahit konti at mayroong tinatawag na karisma. Eh bakit nanalo si PGMA? Kasi nandaya raw siya sa eleksyon. Eh kung nanalo ba si Fernando Poe, Jr. ay hindi rin ba siya ii-impeach? Kung masisigurado na hindi rin mapapatalsik sa pwesto si FPJ kung nanalo siya, siguro nga dapat talagang tanggalin sa pwesto si PGMA. Bakit hindi na lang pagbotohan ang mga dapat tumakbo sa eleksyon, tapos kapag napagbotohan na kung sino dapat ang isali sa eleksyon i-dry run muna, pagkatapos nun saka magbotohan ng permanenteng presidente. Kapag kaya ng presidente na disiplinahin ang bansa, tatanggalin siya. Kapag ang presidente naman makarisma, tatanggalin siya kasi karisma lang ang meron siya. Kapag "strategic" naman at minamarket ang bansa natin, tuta naman daw siya ng dayuhang bansa. Ano ba talaga ang gusto ng mga Pilipino. Siyempre lahat naman eh gusto yung "ideal," ideal boyfriend, ideal parents, ideal house. Siguro may "soul mate" din ang Pilipinas, at mahirap makahanap nun!!! At karamihan ng mga taong pilit na hinihintay ang soul mate niya, tumatandang dalaga at binata. Baka maging tumatandang bansa na rin tayo, kasi hindi natin mahintay na dumating ang "soul government" natin. Kaya kesa naman na tumandang bansa na lang tayo ng basta basta, eh tayo na lang ang dumisiplina sa ating mga sarili, para kahit papano, kahit hindi na natin makita ang soul government natin eh mayroon pa rin tayong marating. Madaling isulat pero mahirap gawin. Lahat ng nakasulat dito eh opinyon lamang ng isang empleyadong walang magawa sa opisina na nagawa na lahat ng pwede niyang gawin bilang empleyado, isama mo na rin na hindi ako masyadong nakakapagbasa ng dyaryo at nakakapanuod ng news. Balak ko na ring basahin ang nilalaman ng saligang batas.

The simplest way to development (this is a nice read)

Michael Tan

I'M HERE in Cebu where, earlier this morning, I metGov. Bellaflor Angara-Castillo of Aurora province, whomentioned that they needed to produce health educationmaterials in different local languages. I wassurprised and asked, "But isn't Aurora a Tagalogprovince?" The governor had to explain that theprovince now has numerous migrants, mainly Ilocano,but now also including people from as far as theVisayas. That conversation highlighted just one of the manyproblems that come from our lack of a nationallanguage. Even worse, we seem to be moving backwards,what with the recent Department of Education findings that high school seniors' proficiency in Filipino drastically dropped over the last few years.

Last Wednesday, I looked into our long history ofneglecting the development of a national language. We seem to associate Filipino and our other languageswith poverty and backwardness. Accompanying thislinguistic inferiority complex is an over-valuation ofEnglish, which we think provides the key to nationaldevelopment, mainly to export more Filipino workers.I'd question that assumption, and argue that our neglect of Filipino and our unrealistic expectations of English decrease our competitiveness in the globalmarket.

Nationalism

Our more economically developed neighbors rightlyrecognize the need to balance nationalism with globalism, and this is reflected in their languagepolicies. In the post-colonial period after World WarII, many developing countries pushed hard to craft anational language. Some countries, like Thailand, were more fortunatebecause they already had a common language spoken bymost of its citizens. Others, like Indonesia and thePhilippines, had a more daunting task because of greatlinguistic diversity. Indonesia was, however, able todevelop Bahasa Indonesia while we lagged behind in ourdevelopment of Filipino. Some of the reasons for a national language were quitepractical: you needed a common language for education,public health, agriculture, industry. But the most important reason for developing anational language was that of developing a nationalidentity that transcended class, caste, ethnicity,religion. It was important to have a common languageto tell the story of a nation, and pass this from onegeneration to another. And, with time, our neighborsbegan as well to develop fine literature, written inthe national language, capturing the dynamism, theexuberance, as well as the anguish and angst, ofnational life.

Globalism

A nationalistic policy toward language did not meanxenophobia. Japanese, for example, is peppered withborrowed English words, from home furnishings tohigh-tech jargon. The Chinese, on the other hand, drewon existing words to describe the wonders of the newtechnologies: the train is a "fire horse," a computer an "electric brain."Gradually, our neighbors began to use their nationallanguage to open the world to their citizens. Visitbookstores in China, Indonesia or Thailand, and you'llfind hundreds of books-the world's finest literature,as well as computer manuals, self-improvement books,textbooks in the social and naturalsciences-translated into the local national language.These countries have come to accept the importance ofEnglish and other languages of the world and encouragecitizens to learn these languages, through theirnational language. In a Thai bookstore, you'll findThai-English, Thai-Japanese, Thai-Chinese, Thai-Frenchdictionaries, to name a few, both in book andelectronic forms, the latter with speech synthesizers so you hear the proper pronunciation of foreign words. Again, the reasons for doing this are very utilitarian: you learn a foreign language not because it's required but because it serves a purpose, often related to national development. So when the Chinese learn English, it's to be able to read the original technical books, or to communicate with visiting technicians. Their goal is to plug into the world to reap its benefits for the home country.

No wonder the West is running scared-the Japanese did it, the Chinese are doing it now, using just enoughEnglish (or German, or French) to learn new skills and technologies, which they then copy, often with great improvements.

Talking back, What's happening in the Philippines? We've neglected Filipino and our other languages. Only recently did we recognize that maybe the way to go in schools is tohave the local language (e.g., Cebuano) used in thefirst years of primary school to teach Filipino and other basic subjects, including, for older kids,English. And even as we laughed at our neighbors for their resistance to English, our own proficiency in that language has stagnated. I often suspect we're notactually seeing a deterioration of English in thePhilippines. What's happened is that for most Filipinos, the level of English has remained pretty much the same from the colonial period, just enough tounderstand the instructions of the boss. This is whywe had such a perfect fit for a particular segment ofthe overseas labor market. Now that new opportunities are emerging, such as in the call centers, we're realizing we don't have enoughFilipinos who can speak English in a more interactiveway, offering information and advice. And when it comes to the most lucrative high-paying jobs andconsultancies, we have only a handful of Filipinos whohave the ability to analyze problems in English, andto propose and explain solutions.To capture that market, it won't be enough to justlearn English. Filipinos have to be able to use thelanguage spoken at home and bring this to tackle the complexities of the outside world. But since we neglected both Filipino and English in our schools, we have many young Filipinos who just can't communicate.

I despair over the way students in the University ofthe Philippines grope for words: "Kasi, sir, you know,the ano of the ano is, well, you know it's all very complex." Alas, at the rate we're going, we won't need English or Tagalog. We'll need to teach mind readingin schools. Proficient neither in Filipino nor English, our worlds will remain limited. We will continue to export Filipinos, but mainly in low-pay service occupations.At home, we suffer too from not being able to develop science and technology, so we end up buying othercountries' consumer products.As we search for solutions to our national aphasia, wemight heed the advice of Mahatma Gandhi, who once saidIndians have to learn Hindi to speak with each other,and English to speak to the world. I would say weshould go for as many languages as possible so we candiscover the world, but meantime, let's develop our own languages, too, and our sense of identity, so we can indeed speak with the world, and not just bespoken to. It all boils down to a simple matter ofrespecting ourselves, so that when the world talks tous, we can talk back.

Falling...falling...fell...star...stare...and wish

Seeing a falling star is so rare. I have seen one when I was a child, I think I was in grade 6 then, and I asked for an increase in allowance :). They say when you see one you should make a wish and the god of the skies will grant it to you. Walking under the skies after 15 years, I saw a green one. It seems so near. Then I stare to the person right next to me, excited, only one thought occupies my mind; having that person holding my hand to be with me for the rest of my life. I am happy with what I am feeling right now. The fascination of seeing a falling star and wishing. And yes, I am falling for him, falling for everything that he do, falling everytime I see him. I dont want this feeling to end. I want to keep on falling and falling, ad infinitum. Just like how the stars keep on falling from the sky but never seem to have reached the ground. The excitement everytime I fall, and the fear of reaching the ground. I do not want to fall on the ground, I still do not know what he might do, Im scared, I just want to keep on falling.

Quizzes...quizzes..quizzes

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

Call me an addict but yes I take tests everyday, whether its a personality test, IQ test (in which by the way I got 98%, almost a genius huh), and etc., I even take funny name generators. Maybe it is one of my ways to battle boredom. I used to play games online, but I started to get bored of that also, I think I have visited several arcadenet but they offer the same games. So I found blogthings through lots of net surfing and got hooked! hehehe

How true are those quizzes. Well, in fact, I dont take them seriously, am not sure if they have clinical basis (but duh?!), it is just for the mere fun of it. This test (the one I posted) is almost, somehow, true, maybe a little. I will discuss each one of it.

Propensity for monogamy: Medium. Ok, i will not defend myself from this. As I said, I get easily bored. I only love one person as of this moment and hoping that he is forever, he's the main course, but sometimes I crave for desserts.

Experience level: High. Not that high as others might think. I did have several relationships in my life. I had been heartbroken once. Some are just summer flings and some are "almost" serious. Maybe I may call a relationship serious when I am ready to commit myself to one person.

Dominance: Low. In other words, I just don't care whatever he does whenever I am not around, if he has other women don't let me catch them. Whether they have a poker night or a night at the bar, I don't really care much, just don't give me STDs. I dont demand too much, I will give him the freedom that he needs and so give mine.

Cynicism: Medium. I do not believe in love at first sight. One may have lust at first sight, or attraction at first sight but definitely not love. Love is something to workout between the two parties. It takes time and ability to adapt to whatever situation "together" as a couple. I believe in love and the good in men, but it should be proven and the chemistry should be there.

Independence: High. I think it's too much, I also need love. Love is pleasurable and the highs of it, I just think that love is in every form, not just by a man and his penis. I also want to love a man, again a man not a boy, of course someone to have a family with and to grow old with, and all that jazz. It is just that I can survive without it, or have a heartbreak and then have a new relationship. I am just wise enough to believe that loving is not an excuse to stupidity, and know when to love and when not to love. I love my life and I am quite selfish with my life.

Pieces of a Puzzle

For the people who knows me from RDSi, it will be easy to complete this puzzle. Just drag and drop the pieces of it, and you will be able to finish it. Different individuals with different personalities and different backgrounds are once were friends. They once shared thoughts, ideas, stories, and outlooks about life. They may have different ways of dealing with life but each of them became a part, a big part, of each lives. There became a delicate frame of one great friendship. But the wind doesn't always blow on the same direction. There will always be a clash that will not be resolved unless one gives way, as the bamboo bows when a strong wind passes by. But who will be that one? I guess none. And this wind pushed this frame on the floor that caused it to be broken into pieces. Pieces that were scattered in different directions. Can this still be glued back together to be as good as new? Will somebody be able to glue it back? Will the wind of time be able to bring them together? As of now, we'll never know....

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single. You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone. However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating. Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

AMYRTH

Lots of my friends do not know of my pen name Amyrth, only a few special people know. I have a different identity whenever I use this name. I can share all of my thoughts without hesitations, give constructive criticisms all I want to. I can enter different forums and give advices. Well, i can say that this is my cyber name, just like the pen names that our heroes used during the Spanish era, i.e., Dapit Hapon of Rafael Palma. Where does Amyrth came from? I used to read the Bible whenever I have free time (i now call it pleasure time) , remember the gifts of the Three Wise Men to Jesus in Bethlehem, one of them is myrrh. It's used there as an embalming oil but it can be associated with incense and perfumes. It's like giving a scent to a rotting soul. It is said to be way more expensive than gold. During that time also, I got fascinated about Greek mythology, so why not give myrrh an ancient greek twist. Eureka!!!! I came up with Amyrth. Eversince, I use Amyrth to almost all web publications that I do. I'm so pissed with Carlos Agassi because aside from his rapping that totally sucks, his "nick name" sounds like mine, i just do not know the spelling, grrrr.... Anyways, there... that is the history of my cyber name :)

So cool!!!

While staring straight at the screen, hold up a finger in front of you, pointing to the ceiling. You should see two copies of your finger. Move your hand around until the two copies are floating over the two yin-yangs. Keep staring at the screen while doing this. Blink until you see one complete yin-yang with two dots. Or simply magpakaduling!! No cheating!!

PROCRASTINATION

Another work day.... There are so many lotsa things that I have and need to do, and here I am writing a nonsense entry. I want you to meet Ria, the other side of me.... the ever tamad side of me, not even near from the ever sipag Ms. Ria. I woke up around 9:00 am, my call time, went to office an hour late; it's a good thing that I stay somewhere near the office, let's say about 2-minute walk. Haay, I really don't feel like working today, I dont have the drive to work (not the thingy with 4 wheels). I no longer have the enthusiasm for what I am doing now. I need something to spice up my life a little bit, who says beer?! Give me some Ativan! Anyways, I have piles of things I need to finish now and i dont feel like doing it. I feel like writing, hahaha!!! I want to go out for a cup of coffee and a read a good book, or anything but listening to dictations of sh**-a** doctors and typing them down (I'd rather listen to my mom's nagging!). Waaaahhhhh, I'm bored to my veins!!! I need something new and I can't think of one. I am about to jog with Kyle later this afternoon, maybe it can hype me up. Draw some endorphins to my system (the happy hormone) and relieve me of my stressful life. Yes, that is the exact word, I am stressed! And when I am stressed I get fat, and when I get fat I get depressed!!! I am depressed! This is going nowhere, I have tons of work to do, and I need to do it fast. Pity me, I need an overhaul.

Puppy Love....

Weekend spells movie marathon. not really so much of a marathon, I only watched like 2 1/2 movies last night and another 2 1/2 movies this morning. The movie that stands out is Little Manhattan. I remember the days when I was at their age,, and yes! I have a puppy love and who doesn't have!!! Then... there was an imaginary border between boys and girls. We, the cool girls, chat about everything and just chat, we do some girls' stuff sometimes, and the oh-so-yucky-boys are there playing texts, habulan, and everything under the sun (literally!!!) and they are oh-so-mabaho-with-sweat during the class after break. Girls do not talk to boys, and vice versa, because it is the way it should be. But there is this one guy in my class, I just can't remember his name, and he is so mabango. Of course, I did not tell my friends that I have a crush on him because it is just not so cool. We see each other after class, and everything just feels like heaven. I was in grade 4 or 5 I think. He even climbs a macopa tree and we'll eat tons of macopa on the roof till our stomach aches, hahaha. A kiss on my cheek means so much then. The school year ends and I never saw him again. His friends say that he moves to another school and it all ends there. It's funny how kids love. We adults always say it is nothing serious, but it is something that will affect the rest of their lives, mostly remembered. How i envy kids because they love without restrictions, inhibitions. They share what they have and accepts what they dont have. How they treasure every single moment that they are together, not worrying about tomorrow and not bothered about yesterday. Leaving what the society calls in the name of love... wow... I am an adult now,,, all I can do is just to wish to be a child again.

No Day But Today!!!

Rent is a Tony and Pulitzer Prize-winning rock musical. It opened in New York City on April 29, 1996, at the Nederlander Theatre and continues to play on Broadway (the seventh-longest running Broadway musical as of March 1, 2006). Based upon Puccini's opera La bohème, the musical centers on a group of impoverished young artists and musicians struggling to survive in New York's Alphabet City neighborhood under the shadow of AIDS (in La bohème the disease was tuberculosis).Rent was one of the first Broadway musicals to feature clearly gay, bisexual, and lesbian characters on stage. Almost every previous production that dealt with such issues had generally been relegated to off-Broadway venues (an exception is La Cage aux Folles). (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent_(musical)).

I've watched this movie last sunday night because our cable went off and i will not be able to watch CSI supreme sunday, so it leaves me with no choice. I rented some movies at a local pirated dvd store. I actually intended to watch "Just Friends" because I wanted to watch a feel good movie, but it is a 4-in-1 Dvd so i immediately got hold of it. I have heard about RENT long before college and get quite interested with theatre, but i did not have a chance to watch the theatre. Anyways, the dvd comes with lyrics so on the first scene, i just found myself singing along, hahaha (and i still sings it right now in the office). It is entertaining with its satirical content and eccentricity. The setting is different because having AIDS, being bisexual, and being a prostitute nowadays is not as a BIG issue as before, but it is still an issue. There are several outreach programs and indie films that already deal about their situation, and they are widely accepted in the society. I will not be surprised if a transvestite runs for government. Certain parts were edited in the movie (daw? because i wasn't able to watch the theatre version), that were moving, but it is still enjoyable watching.

What do we know of New York City? It is the city that never sleeps, land of professionals, rich and famous, but we do not know of the place of oppressed, struggling people who wants to survive their fast-paced world (sounds family...Makati???) on the other side of New York. That is what the movie is all about, about survival, about paying the rent of love and life. We can not buy happiness, experience, love, and everything that adds up to what we call life, but we can rent those, with a given time and with a price. That movie brought me to tears, in realization that all of us can afford differently in reality. All we have to do is enjoy 525,600 minutes of it amidst of all the shortcomings that we have.

FAVORITE LINES:

• (Referring to Angel the transvestite when he was mugged) I am more than a man you can ever be and I am more than a woman you ever wanted.
• (Referring to Angel when she died) You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.
• (They were just singing, ahehehe) How do you start a fire when there's nothing to burn, and it feels like something's stuck in your flue?
• (Mimi referring to Roger) Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
• (Well said by Collins (Angel's lover) at Angel's funeral) I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it. A new lease you were my love - on life...all my life.

For synopsis, google is available anytime.