Thursday, May 31, 2007

"I don't want a boa with an elephant inside!"

"If someone loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars. He can say to himself: 'Somewhere, my flower is there...' But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened..." - Little Prince
We all went through losing somebody so important in our lives. Whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, a dog, a big part of us suddenly vanishes. We feel this emptiness, that nothing in this world matter...that we are willing to lose everything that we have, even sell our soul, just to get them back. With millions of people I see everyday in the streets as I take my usual routes, there's only one person I wish to dream of at night. Having somebody to call your own makes good things feels great and makes bad things just fine. The feeling you are needed by this person the same way you needed him makes life full of meaning. When we graduated college, is it only for the sake of earning a diploma and look for a good job? Or, also for the parents who stayed overtime in the office just to send us our allowances the next morning? When people work hard and save up, is it only for the future? Or, is it for the future with? There is always a somebody whom we offer all our achievements in life. We may not admit it but in the back of our minds we are happy that that person appreciated what we've done for them. We suddenly become responsible for their emotions, and everything that person does affects us easily. You become happy with the thought that he/she is happy. Your heart crushes when you feel his/her sorrow and do everything to make him/her happy again. But what will happen when that person go away? Great things are ignored and bad things become worst. All you can see is black and white. Dragging your foot as you walk your usual routes, thinking you shouldn't have woken up. This is what the Little Prince fears, losing the one who gives definition to his life: the rose. The Little Prince waters her, put her inside a glass so that the heat of the sun will not wilt the flower, removes the glass so that the flower can breath, and spend the day pulling out baobabs amidst the thought that someday he will lose her. Losing the rose will make morning just a time of the day the sun rises. There's a Little Prince in all of us, fearsome of losing the people that makes us happy and complete. But some of us don't know how to take care of their roses like what the Little Prince did.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." - Fox

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

PHONE SEX

TELL ME WHICH POSITION YOU LIKE BEST!!! HAHAHA!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The sky is grey and I am blue

Is there any scientific explanation why we feel blue everytime the rain pours? Is it because of media? Is it because it's almost always raining during the saddest part of a movie? Breaking up of lovers...a loved one dying (at worst, shouting his/her name) Or is it just us trying to compare ourselves with the sky and the rain? The world suddenly loses its vibrance. After a month long of scorching heat (and sweaty underarms, hehe), here we are again, getting our ass fat with champorado and tuyo, magnetized to our warm beds, and slouched on our couches watching DVDs the whole day. Most people find this season boring and I'm one of them; missing the stuffs you love doing under the sun. But don't you sometimes find it relaxing? Having you only for yourself, no other people to bug you, no feelings getting hurt, no ideas being rejected...All your mental torments (that's a hard one) being washed away as you imagine yourself drenched under the grey sky (singing laughter in the rain, hahaha). Right now I'm here in the office, listening to incognito (which is just right), imagining myself having a warm coffee, reading a good book, petting my dog, being in my calmest state, nothing to worry about. Well, it's all just imagination, break's over, still have things to do.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Team Building May 20-21, 2007 (Taal Lake)

It is so much fun to be a part of this team!

Monday, May 14, 2007

May 15, 2027

Dear future Ria,

Isa na namang maghapon na wala akong magawa dito sa office at sa aking pag blo-blog hopping eh nakakuha na naman ako ng ideya sa blogkadahan.com. Tema nila ngayon ang pagsulat sa future self, kaya eto sinusulatan kita.

After 20 years malamang 43 ka na. I cant imagine the wrinkles, ang lines, ang pores! My goodness, baka saggy breast and butt ka na! Not to offend you noh, pero sana naman naisipan mo nang magexercise, sana lang yung mga plano ko ngayon na magenroll sa gym at bumili ng stationary bike ay naisipan mo nang gawin. Nai-stop mo na kaya yang paninigarilyo mo? Ngayon kasi I'm trying my best na itigil na, max of 5 sticks na ko ngayon, minsan less pa. Kaso nga lang talaga may times na di ko maiwasang manigarilyo kapag nagkakape at umiinom. I guess wala ka na sa bansang Pilipinas ngayon, or kung anjan ka pa rin eh maganda naman siguro ang trabaho mo. Masyado akong ambisyosa sa mga panahong ito pero wala naman akong ginagawa para matupad yung mga ambisyon na yun. Sana hindi nahuli ang paggising mo!

To remind you, as of this moment eh andito ka sa DPI, naghihintay ng trabahong ibabato sayo. You're earning only enough for your own. Ang current boyfriend mo ngayon eh si Sir Dong, okay naman ang relationship nyo, with same issues pero nabawasan naman na. So far so good naman ang health ni mommy and currently hindi sa bahay nakatira si kuya. Nawalan pala ng pera ang mommy kaya eto tight ang budget ngayon.

Sana may improvement ang lahat ng mga yan sa panahon mo. Nagkatuluyan kaya kayo? Sana masaya ka sa lahat ng pinili mo. May hang-ups pa kasi ako as of this moment eh. I can never can tell, hehe.

I hope everything is good in your time. If you have a husband and kids, kiss them for me. If mom is still there, call her and say that I really, really love her, and thank her for everything; without her, you will not be what you are right now. If dad is still there also, tell him that you love him.

Hanggang dito na lamang.

Nagmamahal,

Past Ria

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Lhen is mad at me!!!!

Huhuhu, i dont like this feeling that my friend is mad at me. She was my friend since highschool and i did not anticipated that she will be mad at me in the extreme! She does not want to talk to me. Im not in favor with texting especially if that person is mad at you because stuffs can be easily misinterpreted and i dont want that to happen. Well Lhen is the least closest kabarkada of mine from highschool, that is why she took what I've said seriously, but the thing is she is still a close friend of mine. Here is the story, though i dont have a clear memory of that event: She and JP (which is also a close friend of mine) had a serious fight and I IM'ed him saying "wag ka masyadong magseryoso, maraming namang ibang girls jan..." by the way, they are having a long-distance relationship. Im sure that I have sent my concern for their relationship and, for me, what I've said is just a big joke. I never, in any relationship, had any true intentions about what I've said. It just saddens me that she took it that way. IT IS THE WAY I TALK! I always say that stuff when two people are fighting or, worst, break up. We also had a fight before because of her eyebrows, hehe, and it took us a very long time, for almost a year, to reconcile. Oh well, me and my very big mouth! She is mad at me since November last year and I knew it about 30 mins ago, and now Im really eager to explain to her my side of the story but she does not want to talk to me. I know it's my bad and Im really really sorry for that. I dont know how to make up with her.... I just hope that our relationship will be ok, soon. *tears tears tears*

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Thank God! I finally had a chance to write here in the office. I've been trying for weeks to open this site since we don't have much to do here but I just cant. I want to congratulate myself because for the past two weeks, I have never been late, brand new me I guess, hehe. Last night, I am cleaning my study table and I found this slumbook of mine from highschool, I think I was on my first year. Coolness! Here is what i wrote then: Name: xxx xxxxxx Nickname: xxxx Address: B29 L12 xxxxx Birthday: Jan 16, 1984 Zodiac Sign: Capricorn Phone number: xxx-xxxx Ambition: To be successful in life Hobbies: Playing piano and laughing Sports: Volleyball and basketball Book: SV series, clueless, girltalk, babysitter's Author: Francine Pascal Music: Mellow and other modern songs TV Program: Clueless and FRIENDS Singers: Mariah, BSB, and Boys II Men Color: Blue, Black and White Restaurant: Fast Foods Cartoon Character: Little Lulu and Little Mermaid Best Friends: Grace and Opalyn Motto: Think what you can do for others not what others can do for you. Describe Yourself: Simple and clueless Who is your crush: JAM (dont know who the hell he is) Define Love: An attraction between two opposite sex (corny ko) Who is you first love: None Describe your love one: No one to describe Where and when did you meet: No place and date What attracted you most: Nothing Unforgettable date and place: None Who was your first kiss: Im still a virgin (hahaha, not anymore, ampangit!) Happiest moment: When I met my friends (ashooo...) Most embarassing moment: None Your greatest dream: To achieve my goals So there, after 10 years here are some changes... Ambition: To acquire a PhD and teach in a foreign country :) Hobbies: sleep whenever i can, having coffee with close friends, reading and writing Sports: Volleyball Book: Little Prince, anything by the authors below Author: Paolo Coehlo, Mitch Albom Music: Reggae Ska, Jazz, contemporary TV Program: House MD, Grey's Anatomy,Rome, The Class Singers: Orange and lemons, bob marley, norah jones, DMB Color: Green and Orange Restaurant: City Best Cartoon Character: Little Mermaid Best Friends: Grace, Opalyn, Ghie, Sherie, Kyle Motto: Laughter is the corrective force, which prevents us from becoming cranks Describe Yourself: Im a very reserved person, it takes a large amount of trust before i open up. Some people say Im sweet, others say Im mataray, it all depends on who Im with. Who is your crush: Conrad Alampay, nice bod Define Love: Love is a state of mind. Who is you first love: xxxx xxxxxxx Describe your love one: He is a hard shell that Im still trying to crack. Mysterious ika nga. Where and when did you meet: UP Baguio, 2003 What attracted you most: His perspective on things Unforgettable date and place: Ayuyang, 2004 Who was your first kiss: French? xxxxxxx xxxxxxxx..hihihi Happiest moment: When my father's kids accepted me as their sibling, loved it Most embarassing moment: When I was hit on the face in a volleyball game, it was televised!! I guess nothing could beat that... Your greatest dream: To be out of the country and live a good life with the person i truly love

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Sticky Notes

There are plenty of things that happened to me for the past weeks and I have pending entries that I wanted to post but I just cant because of laziness. So I decided to put everything in a single entry.

I HAVE A NEW JOB

I got hired at DigiScript and last Monday was my first day to report here. This company reminds me of the time when we were just starting up with my previous company. So sad lang because they are not at all lenient, they dont have IMs, games and other stuffs, hehe, it looks like they are really organize. As always, the first day feels akward but as time goes by i got used to their setting here. They have really a tight bond which is nice.

ELECTION IS NEAR!

During this time of the year, I hate watching the tv because I always see politicians' faces flashed on the screen and i always end up ranting at them. Come on! "Pangarap kong tuparin ang mga pangarap nyo" good lord's grace, napakatagal nang pinapangarap ng lahat yan noh. What they should have said is their plans on how to achieve those dreams. What will be their first step. For incumbents, what they did for the past term to assure us that our vote for them will be worth it. They are like broken cd's, saying the same things over and over again. And last night in the news, they were featuring the stuffs that the politicians are giving away to the people, and it is so pathetic, their faces are like everywhere. Imagine your 3 in 1 coffee, your mug, and even your soap has their faces. And after the election, their faces are still everywhere because they dont clean up their mess in the streets of the metro, and they will be all over the news because of their controversies and all. I'd rather read leaflets of their achievements than parade their charisma on the streets.

I HATE THE BIG O

Who says the big O is the best thing that the women are capable of having, in multiple, for just a round. Well, for the record, i hate having it. It drains all of my energy, i get tingles all over my body, and in some cases i get headaches. the journey in achieving it is much nicer than being there, but im still lucky to have one *chuckles*

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain...

Happy Valentine's Day!
Valentine's day feels weird this year. I don't know if it is just me but whenever I look around I always see people carrying roses with fancy designs. Did the people become more loving and affectionate this year? Hmmnn, i hope so.
photos by jude at Flickr
Two days na lang!!! and off I go! Kaya lang I am getting frustrated with my resume. Most of the companies I applied to were amused with my resume. I became a supervisor on my first job in one year's time. Yes, they were impressed but they are worried of one thing; I'm too young for the position. I'm stuck in between! They are worried of what my attitude would be if I'll be manned by other people. Oh well, my greatness is also my weakness.
Im watching ROME right now. The sex scenes are grabe but it is not at all bastos. It's like sex is a big part in the making of their history. Their story is full of deception and strategies. I loved political science back in college (and because my prof is old but handsome), and watching ROME brings back my fondness of politics. Im still on the first half of season 1 and I'm excited to see Cleopatra because she became the wife of Julius Caesar and then Mark Anthony, such wise vixen!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Check me out

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=8a3e459acf4fc88413adc93G06122918

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"Let the children come to me, Don't stop them! For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Mark 10:14

I dont know how to start this one. Behind all the happiness that God has offered me this Christmas, I still feel sad within, sad that other people who are close to my heart are "suffering" on the season to be jolly. I know that we are the ones responsible for all our actions, but is it sad to know that sometimes we have to be alone to be able to take resposibility. Imagine yourself being alone during Christmas eve knowing that your family is just one ride away, the feeling that you want to be with them but you just can't. Its nicer to be alone in a foreign land. Its nicer to be alone on your birthday, at least no one is reminding you how old you are. But during Christmas?! Its the time where family gets together, exchange gifts, fill their home with love. For just one thing, for loving someone they dont think the right one for you, you need to suffer all these? Now we have rules in choosing the person to love? I just dont know, maybe I am just thinking that if the same case happens to me, they will also disown me. I also dont like the guy, but I am only here to tell her the bad and the good, the ups and the downs, the right from the wrong. Another ball of fire that hit my world: My inaanak passed away last December 26, 2006, past 3 p.m. Jirah is a very cute girl, a little maldita but cute. She is so cute that she can be your teddy bear that you can cuddle all night. That news struck me a lot. I received a text from my mom when Im on my way home and tears just fell off my eyes. Maybe because it's unimaginable. One jolly little girl...i just cant imagine. She's the girl that ate Shiela and her husband prayed for, God granted their wish and now took her to heaven. Jirah is too good and even God dont want to see her suffering in this mean world. Last night, I thought that I am ready enough to go to their place, but as soon as I laid my eyes on that white transporter, weakness in me struggles out and it just won. Im still not ready to handle things like that, but that's how God works, there's a reason behind it all, there is... Now as the new year comes, let's reflect on the things that we have done for the past year, with all the goods and the bads, the ups and the downs, the right and the wrong, and try with our very best to improve our lives and pass through the hurdles and the bumps that are laid ahead of us. Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

I bet you think this blog is about you, dont you?! dont you?!

"We are all vain!" according to my friend while we are arguing which blog site is better; friendster or blogspot. He says, "Of course, you'll write for the others to read. You wouldn't want to write something unless you want someone to read it." And I replied, "I am not a fan of it." Then there was silence. Maybe he thinks that writing is nonsense if you cant showcase it, but not for me. Like what I have said on my previous entries, I just wanted a place to put into words whatever I am feeling, whether other people read it or not, I really dont care. This is a live journal, it is not like I am earning here. I could have written down my thoughts on a diary, but this is the most accessible medium i could ever laid my hand on. Maybe when I write, I am always assuming that there is a "you," like I am talking to someone which could be you, a reader. I still can remember when i was a kid, whenever I am depressed or just had a big fight with my mom, I'll go to my room, stand in front of a mirror and start talking to myself as if I am a different person. I'll talk, think what her response could be, and then I'll talk back. its not like I am crazy or something, its just nice to know that somehow we are not alone. I am not a very sharing person, I'm not a talker, I'm just a listener. I am not comfortable going to someone, even a friend, to share my feelings, I only listen to theirs and be the stronger one. And sometimes, it's nice to be the one to do the talking, or writing in this case, and be able to get a response and not be disappointed by it. We all have our own imaginary friend when we are kids, and i still have one, even though I am earning my own money, which is you. Talking in front of mirror when you are a child seems cute, but when you're at my age, you'd be crazy. Its nice having you, my friend.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Saintful sin

Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted. - Paolo Coehlo (11 minutes) Happy Anniversary to us! Wow, i can't imagine i've been blogging for about a year now. Well, i've been hearing about blogs before, but I never intend in writing online, i like keeping my thoughts to myself. But as I became busy and always in front of the computer, this is the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts, and besides I have a very bad handwriting even I can't read what i've written. There are two things that I do to fight boredom; first is to read, and the other one is to write. The first one is a little easier when I am at my place because I'll just grab a magazine from a shelf, but the second one, haaay, i'll sit first and think of what is to write, and I always ended up writing nothing. I have some poems i wrote that I can't find (I am a trash-hoarder, that's why), I also tried to write a novel that I never finished. I guess writers are boring people, because they write too many stuffs and I only do that whenever I am bored, hehe joking! Anyways, one boring day at the office and I started one, and it's one good way of preserving my thoughts and my feelings on that given time, and somehow sharing them to the people that are quite close to me (though, there are only a few of them who knows that I have a blog). Blogging also helps me in discovering myself, there are things that I cannot really say to the person involved but I can express it in here (maybe because the person that i am talking about doesn't know that i have a blog). Hope this coming year i will get to update this more frequent, hehe. Happy writing! it's the year of the keyboard! its a good lit horoscope we got.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I got sunshine on a cloudy day

Typhoon Reming will be here soon and PAGASA put Manila in signal #2 today. But despite strong winds and flashfloods that is about to whip Metro Manila, I saw the sun shining on me this morning. I always ride an FX from our place to cubao. I ride another jeepney from kamuning to proj. 3. Unfortunately, FXs dont drop me at kamuning because they will take the flyover to escape heavy traffic, and it is 1 in 30 that an fx will drop me there. This morning, there are only 2 of us that is left in the fx, and the mamang driver told us that he will drop us at the nearest U-turn slot that will still make me walk a mile. The driver felt that I am mad and he kept on blahing that i should be thankful and all that crap. Suddenly, MMDA waved to the vehicle to stop, then the driver made a quick turn to escape the MMDAs, hoping that he will lost them. SO, the FX took kamuning, and there I am going out of the vehicle smiling because I dont have to walk anymore, and suddenly the MMDA truck appeared behind us and the FX got caught, which made me smile even more. If I did not step down that vehicle, the FX wouldn't be caught, hehe. This is one guilt-free sin!

Friday, November 17, 2006

At the office...

Oh well, I am bored from doing things to keep me not bored. Imagine yourself doing nothing for half of the day in the office, looking for productive and unproductive things to do but you just cant find any? And you do it not just in one day but for the entire week, entire month, or more or less the entire year?! I'm a very, very lazy person, and I am now lazy to be lazy. I can't even think of something good to write in here and I am just babbling and babbling and babbling and more babbling. You know what, I'm suddenly irritated with the people around me. I just don't know. I'm feeling again of not talking to anyone and a buddy is just enough. I guess I watch too much House, MD that keeps me feeling like this or maybe I just dont like the people around me. Well, why will I not like them? They did not do anything bad against me (I guess), they just irritate me a whole lot. Like I want to do gestures (e.g., talk to the hand MF loser! something like that) just to keep them off my face. Well, I just keep quiet to stop myself from doing that, but sometimes I just snap, when people are pushing me. My mouth moves faster than my neurons, asking afterwards "Did I just say that?!" It just pisses me! And now I am whining and whining and whining and more whining.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

living life alive

I recall when I was in my first struggling year as a college student in misty UP Baguio, I was reading this article on Philo I while waiting outside my room near the library. Shiverring because it is damn cold (it is mid February I think) and because of fear that I may not deliver the report right. Then there I was at exactly 8:30 am, in front of 23 students, also my blockmates but two of them were not, stone cold, while introducing the "Absurdity of Life." I cannot remember who the author is but I surely remember how I discussed it in our class. I remembered it well due to the fact that it is something that is happening to me right of this moment. "Good morning everyone, I'm going to tackle about the Absurdity of Life by '???'. When we were young, our parents or guardians told us how we should live our life. We wake up, eat our breakfast, play, clean up, eat our lunch, sleep 'siesta', wake up, eat merienda, play again, eat dinner, and sleep (while drawing a diagram). As we grow, we wake up, clean up, eat breakfast, go to school, eat, go home, eat, and sleep. We enjoy life! Until one day, somebody goes to your place and tells you about the new video game that he is playing, then you realised (balloon thought) my life is not that fun afterall! That is the time that our life becomes habitual, becomes absurd. We were happy until some external force entered our life and made us feel unhappy, unsatisfied. And it will be a point of our life that we want to be out of the circle of absurdity. We get to play that new video game, in which it becomes our new life. If every teenager like us has been doing the same things, I will not feel unsatisfied at all." "But what happens if something that is already part of our 'life' is suddenly taken away from us? Imagine a child where her lollipop was taken away from her. She'll cry, cry hard! And there is only one thing that will make her stop, well, make it two. It is either you'll give her back the candy that was taken away from her or give her another lollipop that is much better than the one that she had. Same goes with life. You may never realise this because the things that are taken away from us seems to be replaced with something better, like our toys and cellphones. Do you ever realise how we will handle our lives without our parents, girlfriends and boyfriends (serious ha! hindi fling), or friends? Some people ends with suicide. It is because life is irreversible. The people who failed to find the two choices I gave felt that there is no reason for them to live anymore, so the ended their physical forms. You cannot go back to the life that you used to have because it just can't be. You will again feel that your life is miserable and meaningless without them. SO to be able to save yourself from that misery, you have to have something better than the one you used to have; it may be a person, a religion, a pet, or anything that will make you feel that you have a better life right now and you are definitely out of the absurdity that you are once in." The class clapped and I'm definitely out of here. Off to the bilyaran and have my life running wild.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Carnal Pleasure

A Woman’s Sex by Ikkyu, a Japanese Zen Buddhist priest and poet It has the original mouth but remains wordless; It is surrounded by a magnificent mound of hair. Sentient beings can get completely lost in it But it is also the birthplace of all the Buddhas of the ten thousand worlds. http://haringliwanag.pansitan.net/ - I have been blog hopping for quite sometime and I have been a mainstay of www.blogkadahan.com/blog. It is so much fun reading the entries there, and right now they are talking about sex. They have different approaches regarding sex; some are medyo bastos, some are erotic (WARNING: Shouting graphic), some are poetic, some are based on their own experience (well, most of them; I'd rather say factual), and some are enlighthening to a different level. It's a mixture of naughty and nice. I got kinda inspired by their writings so I said, "Hey, I can do that!" *somehow*. So here's a piece of my sexy mind. - When I was younger (because I'm still quite young), I have a different concept about sex. For me, sex is just a mere fooling around, nothing serious. It's just something that we acquired from the animalistic side of us, something primate, something innate. - My mom was married to my brother's father; with lack of security, he left him. She went to Manila and there he met my father. She became a mistress and I was born. That makes me illegitimate. My dad left for the states with his family. END OF STORY.

- My past made me think that way. I know my mom loved him so much, with promises of leaving his first family, and all those 5ullsh1ts! I even hear my mom crying loudly, alone in her room. That scene breaks my heart. From that day on, I swear to myself that I will not let any man destroy me. Inhibitions started to build up.

- I knew about sex at the age of 5. We have a naughty neighbor that always talks about it and makes it sound fun. I've watched porn. I've read magazines about it. My generation seems to welcome it. On age 18, ready to venture on that field, knowing what would happen if I don't do it safely, studied carefully how to do it, I started to play around with men (forget the numbers) and with myself. I only have one thought in mind, "play with my pu$y but not with my heart." It sounds mean but I should take care of myself. Once I do the deed, I lost interest and leave them; that is how I play the game. Friends tell me that I think like a man. Anticipating their actions, I'll do it first on them. Cynic huh? Some of them felt that they were used--lucky for them, I used them *devil laugh*. But is that the case? Or am I the one using my sexuality to get even with men? At first it was fun, having sex without any emotional attachment. As my age starts to add up, sex gets tiring--same positions, same moans, same sex. I started to realise that I am torturing myself. I'm staying in hell when it is supposed to be heaven.

- I met a man, yes, just a man. Same thing goes just like any other man. Three months. Hey! It's longer than usual. What's happening to me?! One year. Two years. Heaven. Yes, it felt good. I die as I felt blood rushing through my errogenous zones, flushing my face, fingers tingling, head numbing, heart beating erratically fast. Engulfed with passion and desire, love and surrender. Take me! Take the whole of me! And I live again.

- Song of Original Mind
Having created
the demon mind yourself
When it torments you mercilessly
You’re to blame and no one else

When you do wrong
our mind’s the demon
There’s no hell
To be found outside
Abominating hell
Longing for heaven
You make yourself suffer
In a joyful world
You think that good
Means hating what is bad
What’s bad is
The hating mind itself
---

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"Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything." from a text friend Andrei. I could have replied you are the one, but nah, I am happy with the one I have right now. I am over him now that makes me confident enough to share my thoughts about him. Y Our relationship ended because I am such an idealist. I believed before that I'd rather have friends than a lover. What if you're friend is head over heels over your lover, of course with that thinking you'll choose your friend. That was a big heartache for me. Now, I came to realisation that that idea is just partially true. Y Lots of times, you wanted a friend by your side; to cry with, laugh with, box with, make chika with, and other stuffs. But a friend is not someone you can call your own. When a friend starts to have a boyfriend, smorgasbord of jealousy enters, but the sad part is you cannot do anything about it unless you see that guy with other woman, or, a man. Oh well, that is mean and you cannot wish that for a friend. So, there comes your boyfriend; almost a friend with lots of benefits. Y A boyfriend shouldn't be a bestfriend, there should be a limitation in friending a boyfriend. You tell everything to your bestfriend which is not the case with your man (of course, you wouldn't tell your boyfriend your fantasies about other men). A boyfriend is also someone you can cry with, laugh with, box with, make chika with, and then kiss after and other benefits you could imagine. So the bottomline is I'm still young then and I don't know what I am thinking, hehe. I tried to win him back, but I was not successful in doing so. As I was contemplating about the past, I thought to my thoughts, "was it because I was not able to see the things I hate about him as a lover that is why I am feeling this way, or was it because I'm not yet satiated with the relationship that we have because it ended halfway?" Hmmmnnn, I think it is the latter. Y Some people describes me as a person who will work hard for something and then pall after a while. That is how most of my relationships ended, and that experience I have not felt with him. THAT made me hold on, but I lost grip when I met my current boyfriend. Y When you love, you see friendship in every face, harmony in every leaf - and you experience tremendous sense of warmth and belonging. Y He is kinda different. I have seen lots of hateful things from him. My girlfriends are always pushing me to leave him but I just cant. I love him. I am not stupid by sticking with him; I just learned to love those hateful things and it is not that he abuses me or something. The mere thought of him makes me happy. I feel needed when I am with him. Haay, this is the first time that I admit my feelings to my friends and most of all to myself that I am finally in love. I love the feeling of falling everytime I am with him. It must be the mysterious personality that makes me hooked up on him. I know every inch of his body but only an inch of his soul. Every meeting makes me wanting more, knowing more, just like how a tv series goes, but I hope this one won't end. Y 1 SMS received Y Hurriedly, almost tripping changing clothes, and swooshing off to see him.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Thank you Philippines!!

I am a certified and proud UP graduate. Before I entered this school, I have been stereotyped on what this school is like: activists, leftists, people who opposed the government, frats and soros, and a lot more. At first, I enrolled in this school with one thing in mind: To graduate, have my diploma, and find a good job. I was culture shocked on my first day, from a very tamed me in a private high school, I see people with deconstructed look, fratmen gathered around, people reading and smoking their lungs out at the makeshift rooms, and lots of 'em. A month later, I penetrated through the system. There I was, reading a photocopied text of "Introduction to Botany," fearing to fail Prof. Abedania's class while having a shot of Red Horse at Kalapaw 1, playing billiards; i managed to pass and got exempted though. A year later, I learned to smoke. But it is not about smoking, drinking, and having all the fun in the world, it is not about passing the exams and all the papers, it is all about learning to think and to fight for what you think is right. I have learned that life is not about fun all the time, that I have a greater responsibility; not to the world, not to this country, but to myself. As I go on through my 4-year course, i realised that graduating is not just about acquiring a diploma from a prestigious school; it is by having a strength to express my opinions rationally. I was taught to think before I act, and I guess Sec. Gonzalez was not taught that way; his mouth moves faster than his brain, way, way faster.

I'm becoming a fan of Patricia Evangelista, and this one is nice.

REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE

Payback
By Patricia Evangelista

Inquirer
Last updated 05:56am (Mla time) 09/03/2006
Published on page A11 of the September 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I HAVE recently learned that I owe a debt of gratitude to Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez. "Some degree of gratitude," must be due to the fact that I spent my college life in the University of the Philippines. I apologize for my omission, and can think of no way more apt than to share what he calls the "world-class education" that I have acquired in the four years I spent in UP. I will attempt to do justice to the underpaid and overworked professors who teach with ancient blackboards where today's lectures are superimposed over diagrams from three years before. If I cannot, perhaps the good secretary would be interested in taking the class I took in my freshman year-Philo 11: Introduction to Logic.

In a statement just this week, Gonzalez laments the decline in quality of UP graduates. "That school," he thunders, "breeds the destabilizers that haunt the country every year."

In the interest of clarity, let us define the word "destabilizer. " A destabilizer, or an obstructionist, is one who deliberately chooses to oppose current norms. They mistrust much of what is claimed, perpetually demand for answers and admit only truths that they believe have basis in fact, logic, theory, precedence or their own personal standards. In the academe, however, they are called neither destabilizers nor obstructionists. The common word for these vile creatures is "scholar."'

The reason students are sent to school is not to learn how to parrot government memoranda, or memorize the capitals of provinces in alphabetical order. Students study to learn how to think-not just to acquire a sheet of printed parchment to post on the wall. The capacity for critical thought is what separates the man from the beast. A dog can be trained how to sit, a monkey can walk across a tightrope, but it is the man who can choose to stand up and speak.

Contrary to what Gonzalez believes, it is not opposition to the government that characterizes the UP scholar. It is the opposition to passive acceptance, and a compulsion for thought. Gonzalez claims that he is not against all UP students, God forbid, because there are some who are "bright and good." I assume he means those of us who do not rally, who do not march, who do not choose to side with the Left. By "bright and good," he means "bright and good to the government of GMA."

"It is the people's taxes that is keeping UP alive," he claims. Agreed. "It is the State that is paying for their schooling." Agreed. "I think some degree of gratitude should be there also." Agreed.

There is a difference, however, between the State and Secretary Gonzalez. He is not the State, however much he tries to convince us. Neither is the government of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. The State is the people, the debt is to the people, the gratitude is to those who paid their taxes in the hope that the country's best and brightest will do some good in the future.

The academe, more than anywhere else, is the hotbed of debate, a place where multiple perspectives clash, and every sort of ideology, theory and philosophy has a place. Disagreement is a norm, and is seen as a manifestation of critical thought. That UP breeds destabilizers is not a bad thing-after all, if stability means the kind of government we have today, then I stand for destabilization, too.

All of us agree on our debt to the country-all of us want to pursue the national interest. But because we are scholars, because we are taught to think, the manner we pursue that national interest and the definition of that national interest vary from student to student. The red-shirted activist in Mendiola is no less aware of that debt than the political science student who plans to join government.

This need to check the government, Gonzalez claims, "is degrading the national interest." Who defines national interest? To Gonzalez, certainly not the people, and certainly not those who have been shot, strangled and maimed because of the administration' s relentless pursuit of national interest.

Democracy is not the absence of dissent; it is the tolerance of the freedom to dissent, and the awareness that dissent can check the State's enormous power. And still Justice Secretary Gonzales, in all smugness, demands that this "high tolerance to educational freedom," should be raised in the annual budget hearing. I cannot believe I live in a country where education is threatened because it is used.

This is not simply an issue of an old man trying to strut his machismo by aiming potshots at students. It may be hard to believe-as this is the man who, I have a sneaking suspicion, is the opposition's hired gun, the man who "forgave" Susan Roces because she was "too pretty to put in jail," the man who told former President Aquino to first take care of her controversial daughter Kris before she opposes GMA; and the same man who claimed that the only reason he didn't absolve three suspects in the Subic Bay rape case was that he had to "appease the mob." He is the man whose snappy comeback to the impromptu Oblation Run held a week ago was to ask the fraternity men to "take off your masks and run naked."

But irrelevant of the man, his denouncement of UP is an attempt-no matter how moronic, and no matter how laughable-to justify actions that would otherwise be unjustifiable. It is one of the dozens of persistent suggestions that the government is always on the side of right, that to oppose it is treachery and that to question it is to go against all standards of morality, honesty and patriotism. And all this is dangerous, at a time when people are tired of marching in the streets, tired of throwing out one corrupt leader after another, tired of the perpetual struggle for the rights and freedoms that are inexplicably being curtailed.

The government thrusts us back into the Dark Ages, where leaders are omnipotent and "the people" do not exist. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and probing into the nature of the "enemy" is assumed to be support for the enemy. Those who oppose policies are "destabilizers, " or "NPA sympathizers" or "oppositionists. " To report truth that will compromise government approval ratings is "inciting to sedition," a crime of which Gonzalez once accused the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism. "Why fight the State?" Gonzalez demands, "Why try to bring it down?"

Gonzalez claims that he is proud to say he is from the University of Sto. Tomas, and that it is the reason he is "well-behaved. " I offer my sympathies to UST, and since I am also aware that there is much that is "bright and good'" in that school, I believe Gonzalez must be a case where good education has failed in creating an educated man.

If this man is the epitome of what it is to be well-behaved, I'm glad that that's a compliment I've never been paid. * * *

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Kwentong Barbero

Dahil sa aking ka-badtripan sa bagyong glenda nuong nakaraang araw at hindi pagreply sa akin ng aking minamahal dahil sa Sun siya (connection => bagyo, walang araw, so walang signal..wahehe corny!!!) eh nagawa kong magikot-ikot sa National Bookstore. Habang ako'y nagiikot eh nasulyapan ko ang libro ni Bob Ong. Siya ang may likha ng Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang mga Pilipino? Naaliw naman ako kaya binili ko na. Nakakatuwa ang librong yon, satirical ang dating niya. May kompilasyon duon ng mga essay ng mga dayuhan and pilipino kung ano ang tingin nila sa bansa. Sa aking pagbabasa ay medyo natamaan ako sa mga entry nila. Masakit mang isipin na ganun ang tingin nila sa tin pero ganun naman talaga tayo, kaya tanggapin na lang. Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin non na tanggapin na lang at ipagpatuloy ang mga ganung gawain, kundi wag na tayong magmagaling pa at ipagtanggol ang sarili at gumawa na lamang tayo ng paraan upang mabago ang ganung tingin sa atin. Isa lang naman talaga ang paraan sa pagunlad eh, kundi DISIPLINA. Katulad sa nakasaad sa libro, baliktad ang utak ng mga pilipino. Kapag sinabing tumawid sa footbridge, ang mga tao eh tatawid sa kalsada, 1.) wala kasing pulis, at minsan kahit na may pulis, 2.) nakakatamad umakyat sa footbridge. Ewan ko ba, tapos lahat isinisisi sa gobyerno! Ang isang bansa ay binubuo ng gobyerno at mamamayan. Meron tayong kanya-kanyang responsibilidad sa bansang ito. Hindi naman pwedeng magtrabaho lang ang gobyerno para sa atin, kelangan din nating gawin ang ating share kumbaga. Wala nga namang mangongotong kung walang magpapakotong, at wala silang kokotongin kung walang lumalabag sa batas. Lahat tayo ay may mga sariling pangangailangan at may mga temtasyon, kaya hindi rin natin sila masisisi. Simula ng pinanganak ako, may utang na ang Pilipinas, bakit hindi na lang tayo magtulungan upang mabayaran itong mga utang na to. Imbes nga naman na mabayaran ang mga utang, kahit na napakataas ng buwis ko na binabayaran ko ng tama, eh nadadagdagan pa. Kasi nga naman ang mga langis na kinukuha natin sa ibang bansa eh nauubos kaya nagtataas at kelangan din nating sumunod sa teknolohiya. Kung gusto naman nating magtipid ang bansa at wag nang bigyang daan ang teknolohiya, kawawa naman ang mga Pilipino kapag ihaharap sa dayuhan. O kaya wag na tayong magangkat ng langis, magkalesa at bike na lang tayo, kaso nga naman mabubulok ang gulay galing Baguio. Kaya gustuhin man natin o hindi, mangungutang talaga ang Pilipinas. Ang hirap kasi ang gusto ng mga tao, pagkaupo ng isang presidente ay uunlad na kaagad ang bansa. Aba, mahirap nga naman yon. Ang gusto ng mga tao eh walang kapintasan ang magiging presidente kahit konti at mayroong tinatawag na karisma. Eh bakit nanalo si PGMA? Kasi nandaya raw siya sa eleksyon. Eh kung nanalo ba si Fernando Poe, Jr. ay hindi rin ba siya ii-impeach? Kung masisigurado na hindi rin mapapatalsik sa pwesto si FPJ kung nanalo siya, siguro nga dapat talagang tanggalin sa pwesto si PGMA. Bakit hindi na lang pagbotohan ang mga dapat tumakbo sa eleksyon, tapos kapag napagbotohan na kung sino dapat ang isali sa eleksyon i-dry run muna, pagkatapos nun saka magbotohan ng permanenteng presidente. Kapag kaya ng presidente na disiplinahin ang bansa, tatanggalin siya. Kapag ang presidente naman makarisma, tatanggalin siya kasi karisma lang ang meron siya. Kapag "strategic" naman at minamarket ang bansa natin, tuta naman daw siya ng dayuhang bansa. Ano ba talaga ang gusto ng mga Pilipino. Siyempre lahat naman eh gusto yung "ideal," ideal boyfriend, ideal parents, ideal house. Siguro may "soul mate" din ang Pilipinas, at mahirap makahanap nun!!! At karamihan ng mga taong pilit na hinihintay ang soul mate niya, tumatandang dalaga at binata. Baka maging tumatandang bansa na rin tayo, kasi hindi natin mahintay na dumating ang "soul government" natin. Kaya kesa naman na tumandang bansa na lang tayo ng basta basta, eh tayo na lang ang dumisiplina sa ating mga sarili, para kahit papano, kahit hindi na natin makita ang soul government natin eh mayroon pa rin tayong marating. Madaling isulat pero mahirap gawin. Lahat ng nakasulat dito eh opinyon lamang ng isang empleyadong walang magawa sa opisina na nagawa na lahat ng pwede niyang gawin bilang empleyado, isama mo na rin na hindi ako masyadong nakakapagbasa ng dyaryo at nakakapanuod ng news. Balak ko na ring basahin ang nilalaman ng saligang batas.